As I've been a bit peevish and moody lately (I KNOW - since when? So out of character! Maybe I should take my 400 dollar-a-month antidepressant meds!) here now, for your reading pleasure, a list to keep handy on what one should and should not do to avoid having your shins kicked by the rest of Polite Society.
1. At the terminus of the escalator, please move your lost ass out of the line of fire. The rest of us cannot NOT disembark the escalator and you are in the effing way.
2. Unless you are getting off at the next stop, or the Metro car resembles a sardine can, move away from the door. If you are one of the seven people hovering at the car door for no reason, I promise you, this position will not get you to your destination sooner.
3. Do NOT exit or enter a cab on the street side. You are asking to get picked off by passing traffic, especially if you are in midtown Manhattan. There is a reason why this is an internationally-recognized rule of thumb. Perhaps street-side entry/exit is advantageous in the Darwinian sense (for the rest of us), but otherwise not a good idea.
4. Tip the wait staff. I do not care how poor you think you are, you are eating out. This suggests you have disposable income. If you cannot leave a 20 percent tip to the poor schmo that just put up with you over the past hour (Can I have a straw? Can I get this without ice? Do you have any sliced lemon?) stay home.
5. Say "Please", and for god sakes learn when to say "Thank you" (When do you say Thank you? = ALWAYS). If you do not know when to say "Thank you", check your butt for a brand - you were raised in a barn. Please correct this shortcoming. You are an adult now. Choose to be polite.
6. Approximately two percent of the American population is functionally deaf. This includes my mother. Deaf folks are not being rude, or purposefully ignoring you, or trying to offend. My mother lives in great isolation - conversations are difficult; crowds scare her... and there is little music in her world. So the annoying person in line ahead of you at the store may be without one of the five senses you give little thought to. Be patient.
7. If you choose to paint your face in the colors of the professional sports team which you back, don't get all worked up when people stare and/or snicker. Lack of pride is fascinating to the rest of us.
8. While boarding a plane, get the Eff out of the aisle once you get to your row. Why I even have to list this breaks my heart and brings to the forefront the undeniable truth that people are inherently idiots.
9. Famous people do not want your attention, nor do they want to hear you natter on about your points of view. They do not care because YOU ARE A STRANGER TO THEM. Stop speaking.
10. Finally, and perhaps most importantly: Ignorance is not the same as stupidity.
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