Speaking of Bonnie Raitt

I think this may be my favorite song/rendition of hers, and here are the reasons:

1. Dennis Quaid in a sleeveless Sun Records T-shirt. Oh, the grin and guns on the man.

Hey, I'm not blind.

2. Bonnie is the queen of slide, or bottleneck, a technique of playing that goes way back to an African influence. You'd think, Hey, bottleneck makes it easier! Oh No my Friend, slide is far harder. Notice in this video her slide is, in fact, a beer bottle neck.

3. The line, "Whether your sunglasses are off or on... You only see the world you make." The song is about being human, recognizing wanting what you want, and not being precious about it. Love is a gift - Take it.

4. The bridge of the song - again, beautiful guitar work.

5. The video's cutting, the rack focus, the lighting, the direction (especially the timing of looks between the busboy and the girl) , Bonnie's face in the very last scene - I think we all know where this is heading....Nicely done and still pretty much holds up for something produced what, ten, fifteen years ago?

6. Did I mention Dennis Quaid? Lord have mercy.

Enjoy.

Happy Friday

Going home to Po-Dunk Texas this weekend for my brother's wedding. His second, her third. I've met her a couple of times and she seems quite sweet - as opposed to his first wife who was, how do I put it?, a Harpy.

They are very much in love. But don't worry, they'll get over it.

Meanwhile, have some music:

Some Advertising Types, v2

I worked on a big client in Texas, I'd call it "American Airlines" but that would be indiscreet. Let's call it "Big Generic Airlines".

The account service person comes into my office with a new assignment. Account service people are often referred to as "suits". Or more derisively, "coat hangers".

Suit: Awesome assignment! BG Airlines was just awarded the contract to transport the Mona Lisa from the Louvre to the Met in New York! First time the Mona Lisa has ever come to the States! So BG wants to promote it, should be a great opportunity for some good creative!

I agree, yay!

So copywriter and I concept several print ads. And yes, 'concept' is considered a verb in advertising....

We came up with some good ads, the majority with the Mona Lisa as the visual because, well that's the pay off.

Creative Director is pleased, account service is pleased, so off to present to the client.

You'd initially think, Wow, working on BG Airlines must have been amazing! The budgets, the exposure! Not that easy. Clients of that size have lots of layers of marketing people who can all kill your work, but none can really approve it - just enough to get to the next layer. These entry- and mid-level folks are called such things as "flying monkeys", "proctologists", and in some cases, "idiots".

We get to the client level that can actually make the decision. We present.

Client: - silence -.
Client: All of the visuals are of the Mona Lisa.
Me: Yes well that's the pay off of the opportunity - BG has been entrusted with bringing her here to the States, it pays off all the headlines. And you know, it's da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
Client: Well YOU know that, because you're....artsy. I mean, YOU know what the Mona Lisa is, but does anyone else?

I still, to this day, have no idea what the best response to that would have been. How many things are wrong about the above statement? Isn't the Mona Lisa the POINT? THE MOST FAMOUS PIECE OF ART IN THE WESTERN WORLD?

Client: Just make the visual one of our planes, then it'll work for me.

GAH.

A Quote to Live By

"It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

~Theodore Roosevelt

Have Some Music, and a Lagniappe

Tom Jones' rendition of Joe Cocker's "You Can Leave Your Hat On" is the best out there. Even better, it is the song of the final scene of "The Full Monty."

Not necessarily safe for work, because there's some nekkid butts.

Have a great weekend.

Flirting

A friend of mine recently accused me of flirting.
This is an alien concept to me. I don't flirt, don't know how, you could give me a book and I still wouldn't get it. Nor do I recognize it even when friends say, "Dude that guy was TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH YOU!"

Really? Was he? Who knew? Not me, clearly.

I'm so thick-headed I don't even notice when someone is making a pass at me. It's not like I'm a babe - I know this - see this post for my perspective.

True story:

I've been friends with Marie and Daniel since forever. When we all lived in The Most Beautiful City in the Pacific Northwest, I'd spend all weekend at their house. Even had my own bedroom, robe, and a toothbrush in the bath.

One night we have a party, mostly Daniel's friends from work. One Very Hot Dude (VHD) and I hit it off, we talked and danced and had a really good time. So the night is winding up and everyone is a wee bit tipsy, some lurching out, others deciding the couches and extra beds are the places to stay.

I say good night and go to my room. A few minutes later, VHD knocks.
"Can I come in?"
"Um, sure."
"I'd like to stay in here tonight, if that's okay with you."

....

"Yes of course!"

So I get up, put on my robe, AND LEAVE THE ROOM SO HE CAN HAVE THE BED.

This is how idiot I am.

A Favorite Cajun Joke

So growing up in Texas means OU jokes, A&M jokes, Cajun jokes. They are probably the same jokes anyone hears anywhere - pick-your-enemy jokes.

OU - Actually I think technically it's The University of Oklahoma, but if you're from the University of Texas we downgrade them to OU.

Totally classic UT joke:
Q: Why doesn't Texas fall into the Gulf?
A: Because OU sucks.

A&M - Any university that encourages students to say "Howdy" to each other should be plowed under. A&M literally hates UT....and as well they may, considering our superiority.

Cajuns - okay, I can tell cajun jokes because I come from cajuns. Hi Grandpa, wherever you are!

Here's one of my favorite cajun jokes, from a series of jokes involving Pierre (PEE-air) and Baptiste (Bob-TEESE):

So Pierre and Baptiste go down the bayou to rent a boat and go fishing.
They go out the bayou (way back where it dauk, even in da daytime) and casting their lines, they start catching left and right (da fish, day jumpin in da boat).

Pierre says, "Baptiste, we gotta come back ta dis same spot tomorra!"
Baptiste replies, "Well yeah - but how we know how ta get back ta dis spot?"

Pierre thinks.

"I know," he says, "I put a big 'X' right here on da bottom of da boat ta mark da spot."

Baptiste, disgusted, "Pierre, you so stupid. How you know tomorra we get da same boat?"


Ha! Oh I am so Texan sometimes.

Have Some Music

Sarah Vaughan's performance of "Whatever Lola Wants", the siren song from the Faustian "Damn Yankees".

The power and contempt in her voice! One would think this is about seduction, and it is, but when Lola purrs she has come to take your heart and soul…. It’s not a metaphor.

Satan dislikes losing.

Two different visual renditions. The first powerful, graphic and bold.
The second invokes another time and the paintings are lovely - note the textures of the clothing, the glow of skin and the sleek beauty of the women's hands. Especially well done are the reflections in the cars at the beach. (Different artists throughout, obviously).

Sink yourself into this song, and enjoy.

Cattle Call

Or, Why I See Myself the Way I Do.

Let's say you are casting a television commercial for, let's call it, Major Japanese Car Producer (MJCP). You need three women: blonde, brunette, redhead. One man. All beautiful, that goes without saying.

The casting agent does the first cull, but they don't want to leave out The One, so they still bring you about 300 heads.

Yes they're called 'heads', because I guess they aren't actually, you know, 'people'.

You're presented with six binders, 50 heads each.

Page after page of stunning women, each more beautiful than the other. And its not just head shots - aspiring actresses have shots of themselves in various poses and wardrobe to illustrate, "Look, I'm beautiful no matter the situation or clothing! I can be sophisticated, housewifey, girl next door, club slut! Put me in a burlap sack and I will still be so stunning I can sell your product!"

And they are right.

Let's start with the brunettes. What shall be our first eliminating factor? Eye color. Easy. Green and blue shoot better than brown. Sorry, those belonging to 90% of the world's population, you're out! All brown-eyed brunette heads are pulled from the binders and hit the floor. No really, they end up on the floor. Some assistant gathers up the rejects and drops them in a box. Labeled 'Rejects'.

Well that helped narrow things quite a bit.

Is there any other semi-legitimate criterion we can use? Sure - we do have a brand we are working under, so - who is too cute, too young, too old? This is really the most involved part, you have to look at each actress in terms of the profile of MJCP's target audience - Male, 30-50, income level, the cars we will be shooting and what the market is for those particular models, and of course the concepts of the spots.

More hit the floor.

Of course everyone has an opinion. When I say everyone, I mean Me, the art director (final say); the producer ("How much will she cost? Is she scale?") the director ("I can't shoot her, she doesn't Speak to me, you know?") the casting agent ("Oh you'll love her!", regarding pretty much everyone).

And as an aside - I'm not going to get into dealing with my boss the CD, and the client approval process, a post for another day...

So now it is around six, everyone is getting a little punchy and secretly anxious to make it to a happy hour, somewhere, anywhere.

The final eliminations, judgment on the most gorgeous women you have ever laid eyes on, go something like this:

"Her cheekbones are too high."
"I don't like her ears. I can see them."
"Is that a gray hair?"
"Her nose freaks me out a little."
"She reminds me of my mother."

Seven-thirty. Women who, under any other circumstance would inspire unapologetic awe, are reduced to Freaks of Nature.

"That's not a beauty mark - it's some alien thing taking over her cheek."
"Did she put her lips in a vacuum cleaner hose?"
"Yeah but look at her NECK - I didn't see a GIRAFFE in the storyboard."
"She has iguana eyes - seriously, tell me I'm wrong!" (true quote, I kid you not).

The selects for callback are made, the producer drops you at the hotel, and you lurch to your room.

At the bathroom sink, you try to scrub the shallowness and hypocrisy off.

Then you look in the mirror.
The unforgiving, indifferent mirror that shows your own face VERY, VERY CLEARLY.

Tomorrow, the blondes.

Have a Funny.

Not the least bit of a fan of Jay Leno, but I loves the Louis CK. Louis talks about complaining, and who gets to complain more:






Sorry about the ad, and the weird display. O Well.

What about the rest of the Birds?

I've been asked.

There's a loose flock of Infatuations. They are much like bushtits, sweet little birds. The only birds smaller than bushtits are hummingbirds. If you've ever seen a flock of bushtits and its goofy mindlessness didn't make you smile, you have a heart of stone.

There's the raptors, Sorrow and Loss. Huge magnificent animals, they circle slowly and land heavily on the roof. Character suffers the time of the nest building, the raising of the nestlings. Eventually the chicks fledge. Although Sorrow and Loss move on and Character can finally pull down the spent nest, there's nothing to be done about the chicks, who will always come back to roost for themselves another day.

Joy is a quetzal, a pompous preening bird that puts the whole house in an uproar, and is gone as quickly as she appears. Which is why I am so attached to Contentment the cat.

And No, I don't know what Love is. She is never the same bird twice.

What with Cabbies

I swear I don't get why cabbies ask me for directions. All over the world, literally, they ask how to get where I'm trying to go.

It's one thing to ask, Bridge or tunnel? Rock Creek to Connecticut or Porter?; or, 509 to West Seattle or I-5 to the Bridge? THAT, I get.

But when the dude asks, "Where is that?"

Well, I'm the stranger in town, you know, in the back of the cab.
THAT YOU PICKED UP AT THE AIRPORT.

Just felt I had to say that.

Have Some Music

Stevie Ray on Austin City Limits. Just LISTEN to that screaming guitar, he was brilliant ....
Breaks my heart if I think about too much - he finally found the strength to clean up, and his life was taken.

What a waste.

PS this is displaying weirdly - anyone know what I did wrong?

My Interior World

I was going to call this, The People in My Head, but that sounded a little disturbing.

So this is how I see things sometimes:

My Soul lives in a snug cottage with a massive stone hearth that holds a roaring fire. It's in a tropical place with the sounds of the surf drifting through the windows.

And yeah I know there are no English thatched-roof cottages in the cayes of Belize, but work with me.

The cottage was built by Character, a fairly strong fellow who tries to continually improve the place, sometimes successful sometimes not. He's a strapping man with broad shoulders, dark hair and a beard. Character has been through a lot - maybe the worst was when I was sexually assaulted by a man I considered a friend. But Character seemed to become more resilient for it. An ex-boyfriend of mine, who has never had a bad day and has the depth of a ham sandwich - his Character I imagine resembles Pee-Wee Herman.

There's a menagerie of animals that Soul tends to. Loyalty is a sweet blonde Lab that is always at the door. Loyalty looks a lot like my friend Kendall's dog, Han.

The herd of cats includes Friendship, Contentment and Affection. My two favorites are Sensuality and Humor.

The most interesting bunch is the birds. They come and go as they please, roost when they choose. Most intriguing is Love. She cannot be courted, no matter how you try. Sometimes she stays for years and the work it takes tending her needs can be quite satisfying. And maddening.

Of course, sometimes she is not the least bit welcome. Weightless on your shoulder, but your heart and hair gripped.... There is NO GETTING HER OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Fickle beast.

But she moves on, as she always does.

And there are the supplies in the closet - things I never seem to run out of - Insecurity, Depression, Rationalization.

My Soul tries to keep the cupboard stocked with Gratitude, Generosity, and Patience, although I am chronically running out of the latter. There are also a few jars of Hypocrisy, Selfishness, and Pettiness. They tend to leak onto everything else but Soul tries hard to clean up the mess with a mix of Self-Awareness, Compassion and Humility.

And some Oxy-Clean.

Anyway, it's a nice place with potential that I try to make beautiful, and for which I have wildly unrealistic goals (I'm going to Save The Planet with this JD! Because that is Way Possible!) ....

But most of the time it's just a lot of day-to-day maintenance.

Sidney Lumet

I wish I could say, "I had the great pleasure of meeting Mr. Lumet."

But it was more Me being a stunned befuddled mess in front of both Mr. Lumet and one of the greatest cinematic composers of our times, John Williams.

When I realized who I was being introduced to, my head filled with white noise, I briefly levitated, and some words came out of my mouth.

It doesn't matter now, but at least I had the opportunity to say to them both, as anyone would, "Your work has been such a gift."

Both were terribly gracious to an inane comment they had probably heard countless times before.

To be in the presence of such enormous talent, and at the same time, ordinary people.... one never forgets. I wish I had been more eloquent.

Thank you Mr. Lumet, for what you gave us, rest in peace.

Some Advertising Types, v1.

An Agency, Let's Call it KXS.

Way back in the Day when I was a senior at UT, I was up for a fairly prestigious position at KXS-New York. They took on one junior a year in this program - good salary, moving expenses (you may remember those), would even find you an apartment. Even better, you would spend a few months in each creative group so you'd gain much more experience and make far more contacts....It was a very advantageous way to start your creative career.

Usually they only flew in the final two candidates, but that year there were three - another UT creative, a random dude, and me.

It was a very exciting time. Being poor, I borrowed a suit. Being from Texas, I bought makeup.

Aside: one Rule for any Texas Girl is, you do not even go to the car wash without 'doing your face'. Making me an anomaly as that was probably the first and only week I wore makeup every day. I'm not the prettiest girl - although I do like to think I'm on the positive side of that bell curve - but I know I'm no looker. A face full of makeup always makes me feel like, Oh, look at that plain girl trying to be pretty.... I also took great care with my hair, I considered my long reddish locks a plus so I tried to make the best of what I had.

For three days, I presented my book to pretty much everyone I would be working with - including the suits and the production people. And I was entertained at night - in the Big Apple. It was quite an experience.

At the end of the week, all three of us were put in a conference room to be told who was to be hired. You know, to make it as uncomfortable as humanly possible for the other two. Because if you are going to make a career in advertising as a creative, might as well start the humiliation straight away!

So there we were, Random Guy who seemed a lot more cocky about it all than I thought appropriate; my sweet friend from UT (bless his heart, he really was a sweet boy), and me.

HR Person says, "Well you have all been a real treat to all of us, and we've enjoyed meeting you ..... But we are going to go with Random Guy. Random, you see, was up for this position last year and we had to go with the other candidate (client connection) so this year we can go with the guy we really wanted last year."

Now....I still wonder why they bothered courting two other young graduates who thought they actually had a chance? So, so wrong.

In a daze I found my way out of the meeting room towards the stunning lobby, a lobby I would never walk through again....and one of the writers caught up to me.

She rocked the Creative Look - wearing all black, very unflattering glasses, oddly-cut hair dyed to a color not found in nature. She had been quite nice and encouraging, I liked her.

Writer: Listen, I just wanted you to know we all really liked your book....and everyone SEVERELY LOVES YOUR HAIR.

hey look

I guess I had a blog already set up and just couldn't be bothered to write. Listen, I was in law school. I was busy.

So now I'll try again.