A Coupla Conversations

So I sez to da wife, I sez....

There is a homeless woman who begs outside the hotel where we stayed.  According to ROWD she's been there for at least the past three years (since he's been going to Cajamarca).

She is very old, filthy, with few teeth and shoeless.  One morning she approached me and I had to say I had no money (which was true - all I had was a cigarette and a lighter on me).

Rather - I tried to say in Spanish, "I'm sorry but I have no money."

But what I think I said was, "I'm sorry but I don't like money."

She laughed and walked away.

At breakfast I told this to ROWD.  He said, "I gave her 50 soles once (about 35 cents) and now she won't leave me alone." 
"ROWD, she's homeless.  This morning around six I was leaning out my window and I saw her peeing in the gutter."
"You know why she doesn't wear shoes?  Makes her look more pitiful.  She can afford shoes!  I could GIVE her shoes and she wouldn't wear them."

 ..............


During another breakfast:
ROWD:  "I'm glad you're here, it's nice to have company and you get to see the company and the mine."
"I've enjoyed it."
"Makes me think about when you were little.  When I would yell at you or punish you, you'd just cry cry cry."
"I guess I didn't want to disappoint my father."
"You were so SENSITIVE.  It was just AWFUL."
"I'm still sensitive, I know that.  I try to be aware of it and not take things too personally - but my friends don't mind and I think it makes me more empathetic than most.  Folks that have a problem with it, I try to avoid."
"But now you're grown up and I never expected you to turn out to be the woman you are now.  You are strong and confident and you've travelled the world."
"What do you mean?  How did you expect me to 'turn out'?"
"Just a housewife like your mom."

Texas, Our Texas

First off, I want to be careful here because the only person I want to truly mock on this blog is me. But I just returned from a weekend at home in Po-Dunk for my brother's wedding and there were some pretty funny moments with my Texan brethren.
....

Apparently silverware has its own nickname in Texas: "snackin' irons".

I heard the words, "ain't", "yonder" and "vittles" often enough to last a lifetime. Also just so you know, if it is farther than yonder, it's "way down yonder".

Related to, but different from, the plural of "ya'll", which is "all ya'll".
....

My Mom is almost completely deaf - she only has about 20% of her hearing in one ear. These leads to her often misunderstanding what is said to her.

Dad to Mom: Did I tell you the story of Howard meeting his wife?
Mom: What?? When did that happen? That's awful - was that before or after they got married?
Dad: ?
Mom: Oh, I thought you said 'beating'.

Me to Mom: Mom, do you want a glass of wine?
Mom: No, I have some in my purse.
....

My Dad always drops one really excellent gem, and I often time it to see how long I am home before he does.
Picking me up at the airport, Dad jumps out of the car and hugs me. "Wow, you look great! You're not fat again!" Timing: two minutes.
....

I saw my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Reba Lee (yes). We have the same exchange every time I see them.

Aunt Reba: So what have you been doing?
Me: Well I'm an attorney now, working on environmental policy issues in DC. I get sound science in front of congressmen so they can make informed decisions on the application of statutes, like the Endangered Species Act, for example.
Aunt Reba: So no man? Well honey you're not getting any younger.

Here's what I fantasize about:
Aunt Reba: So what have you been doing?
Me: Well my novel is on the New York Times best seller list, I discovered the cure for cancer, and I single-handedly end the drug wars in Mexico.
Aunt Reba: So no man? Well honey you're not getting any younger.